Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Tuesday Ramblings

Since being downsized/outsized/reorg'd or whatever the correct terminology is, the kiddos are no longer going to daycare. Ryan rides the bus home and then I take Emma to preschool and pick her up at noon each day. Along with this it seems like we are home a lot more than we used to be. While not uncommon to have somewhat of a messy house, it seems like it's REALLY messy now.

A few things I've learned ... or most likely just now noticing ...
  • One would assume that not being in the office 8+ hours every day that your house would stay spotless once you spend that time at home. Not so in our house.
  • Ryan has turned our once always clean living room into his own personal office and playroom. Needless to say, it's never clean now. If I ask him to clean it up, it will appear to be clean at first glance ... but don't step in. There you will find items lined up against the wall that you do not see until you are actually in the room. Makes you wonder if he's thinking "if mama can't see it then it must not be a problem".
  • I spent all kinds of time turning our basement into a play area for the kids replete with shelving, cloth storage bins with handles to make it easy for little hands to pull out and toys ORGANIZED. The 'organized' part lasted approximately 3.2 hours.
  • Emma has decided to use one corner of the dining room for her personal storage. I have found all kinds of treasures there. Flip flops, lip stick, books ... all kinds of things. She uses a corner that you would not see from the kitchen nor from the hallway. Maybe she's always done this and I'm just now realizing it's a habit? Maybe she learned this pesky little habit from her brother Ryan?
  • Rebecca likes to play in the toy kitchen that has been in the den since Santa brought it for Christmas. The problem is, she likes the pots, pans and even the toy coffee pot to make noise .... so anything she can find to stick in said toys to make them make noise is open game. Light Brite thingy's ... perfect for stirring in the pan or putting into the coffee carafe. Little wooden pieces that go w/ a toy cake decorating thing ... those are even better . If I had a penny for every light bright thingy I've picked up I'd be a very wealthy woman.

These nuisances are minor compared to this though. You can't imagine how many times I've been asked if Emma and Rebecca are sisters. I thought I was well read and well prepared for this question but obviously not because the hair raises on the back of my neck and some not so nice/kind words come to mind (just thankfully not out of my mouth) when asked this question. What is odd to me is that I have never ever been asked this question about Ryan and Emma, nor Ryan and Rebecca but yet they ask it about Emma and Rebecca with both of them right there with me. Yesterday at the park the question was asked "are they sisters or what"? What the heck does "or what" mean?

Please, please, please - if you are reading this and you're not an adoptive parent - please do not ask a parent this question. Just because our family is built a non traditional way doesn't make us any less a family. Nor the girls any less siblings.

If you are an adoptive parent and have been asked this asinine question - how do you handle it? With a simple graceful "yes" (which is what I have been doing even though that's NOT what I want to say) or do you get miffy, irate or maybe even try to use some humor? My mom suggested I simply say "no, they are brothers" and walk away.

Brian does not at all understand my frustration with this question but so far I do not think it has been posed to him. He tells me to judge not least I be judged and while I value his judgment and wisdom, the question still gets under my skin.

12 comments:

Felicia said...

My kids have their favorite "collection sites" too. In terms of an answer, I love your moms but boy you have a wise hubby too!

Marla said...

I'm with Felicia, your moms answer is my fav.

jiangxigirls said...

I know exactly what you mean about the house! Where did I find time to do it before and why can't I do it now?!

My kids collections are in the many purses and backpacks they have accumulated.

Well..... I do get the sisters question a lot and the "Are they twins?" even more -- so much so that I try not to match them when I dress them (I know you said you like to do that and I did too until....). Usually I just answer with a simple yes they are or they sure fight like sisters and leave it at that. Sometimes people are really nosey (tying to figure out the blood ties) and I am trying hard to ask Olivia if this is something she wants to answer especially now that she is 6. If she says no, then I just say I'm sorry but she prefers not to answer that question and leave.

Becky

Melissa said...

First...gosh, you take some awfully cute photos yourself there chicky! I would LOVE to practice on your girls just the same though.

Mom told me not too long ago to not get on the floor and clean as much...she used to keep our house spotless with three kids, and it wasn't worth it, she has the bad knees to prove it!

On the sister frustration..I hear ya, as I know I will be asked the same thing in a few months. Most likely I'll say yes, as Leah is old enough now to question why that would be even asked in the first place. It's rude...but the worst for me was one time I was at a checkout lane and the clerk looked at Leah and then at me, asked if she was adopted, to which I stated...yes. She then said "so where's her parents?" Agh. I give up! ;)

Christel, Jerry, Alex and Anthony said...

First i have to say that your kids are all beautiful!!!
haha! the ridiculous question!some people! We get this A LOT!!! but we have boys and this is the usual statement... "They sure look like they could be brothers!" my answer... "well, they are brothers!!" usually the person tries to "explain" themselves... if i need to say anything else its... "well they are both Kazakh ethnicity, and since that is an Asian ethnicity, they are both Asian!" I usually try to walk away... Maybe i will try your mom's approach... no... they are sisters! hahaha! that's hilarious! What is funny is i think the boys are as different as night and day...just because they have brown hair and brown eyes, does not mean they look anything alike to me! :)

Most people do not understand if you are home all day why isn't the house cleaner... if there are kids home. Ours is the same way! :)

Christel

Jboo said...

Our house sounds much like yours, my daughter has a collection of stuffed animals living under the dining room table!

On the sibling question, I have had that asked sometimes about my sons (who are quite a bit older) and Maddy. When asked if they are her brothers (like that could not be possible!), I just say yes and don't elaborate.

Have a great day!
Janet

Mariah said...

This is my third day of being a stay at home mom, so we'll see what our house looks like in a week.

We get the question about our children being siblings a lot as well. I think more what they are asking is are they biologically related. I have always just looked at is as people being curious. I would rather them ask than assume something. Most of the time in our case people can tell they look a like and just want to let us know they see similarities between them which I appreciate because I sometimes don't think about their similarities. We knew there would be questions and there always will be so we just accept that and don't worry about what people say or think. People that ask rude questions are usually asking out of ignorance and not to be mean.

Norma said...

have had the question but not all that often......I say they are now or just yes or that;s personal information.......depends on my mood. The girls so far have never said anything on this subject altho' I have
told them no matter how you began you are sisters.......have been from the day you came into the family and always will be no matter what.

Leslie said...

Man...I love your mom's come back Carolin. I hope I'm with you if you ever use it....like Walmart!!!!

Teresa said...

Depends on the situation for me. Especially if my kids are in earshot. If I feel the question is asked out of genuine curiosity, I say that Peter was born in Anaheim and Caroline was born in China. That usually answers their question. If they're being stupid, I would say, "Why yes, they fight just like all siblings."

Handling it with more tact and grace sets a great example for our children on how to handle it. If we get offended, they get offended and believe that their family is not normal.

I was at the dentist with the kids and the hygenist had not seen us before and asked if I was the nanny (heh!). Peter looked at her and just said matter-of-factly, "We're adopted." I was so proud of him tha he handled the question so digified and with grace.

sierrasmom said...

Carolin, I can't believe you've been thinking this too!! My house is 10 times messier than when I was working. I just had a conversation with my friend about it the other day. You are right we are in it more but still you would think I would have time to clean it more! NOT!!!!
Hugs!
Kathie

sierrasmom said...

I wanted to add that someone else had posted the sibling thing recently and they respond.. to the Are they sisters question.."Why do you want to know?" I thought that was cute!
Kathie